So if suffering is what you’re after and you crave the daily strife, then you’re in luck because if you follow this advice, you’ll be miserable for the rest of your life.
Step one, wake up at any time you want.
Don’t wake up at a reasonable hour, one that makes you feel good about yourself. Make sure you get up when everyone has had a chance to get a
head start on the day. You want to make sure you feel like you’ve missed any chance to start your day off on the right foot. Also, don’t make your bed or shower when you get out of bed. Simply wear whatever you wore yesterday and head downstairs. You must start the day off with little to no self-respect, feeling as messy as possible.
Step two, make sure your house is always a complete mess.
You want to make sure that your house is not organized. Don’t clean your plates, cups, or pans. Just leave them. Don’t try to wash the floor or keep your shelves organized. Throw your clothes everywhere. After all, putting your clothes in the washing machine is just too much work.
The messy house will also help subconsciously support the idea that you’re a disorganized person whose life is not in order. This is an extremely important belief to have if you are trying to remain miserable.
Step three, procrastinate.
When you feel like doing something productive, like cleaning your disgusting kitchen, or washing your clothes, just ignore that feeling.
After all, you just woke up, and you have so much time later in the day to get that done. You want to get in the habit of passing on all your life’s problems to the future version of yourself, who will probably have a lot more motivation and energy than you do right now.
Step four, look busy.
After you sit down to do some work, open up your documents to give yourself the impression that you’re being productive. Give your document a nice little title and then immediately open up Reddit, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter just to check if you have missed anything.
You see, it doesn’t really matter what you do. As long as you’re sitting on your desk and that document is open, it’ll help fool your conscience into thinking you’re doing work, but you won’t be getting any further in life.
Step five, wait for opportunities.
Instead of trying to find new opportunities to grow your career or meet new people, wait for all of it to come knocking on your door. After all, if it’s gonna happen, it’s gonna happen.
You’ll meet the girl of your dreams one day and things will kinda just work out. You’ll probably also land your dream job if you just wait long enough.
Anyways, the important thing is to not take action. Don’t try to figure out the most productive way to get what you want, just wait for things to fall into place.
Step six, be default no.
When a friend asks you to go out for a coffee, just say no. After all, you’re really busy these days and have a huge amount of work to do. When your boss gives you the opportunity to lead a meeting at work, try to find an excuse to sneak out of it.
The goal is to give everyone the idea that they should just leave you alone. Be so good at saying no that people just stop asking you to do anything.
Step seven, be suspicious of people.
Never give people the benefit of the doubt. Believe that everyone wants to take advantage of you, and because of this, you should be guarded and put up emotional barriers to protect yourself. Assume the smiles people give you are fake and that their motives are malicious.
Step eight, never fix the things you dislike about yourself.
Continue to engage in activities that make feel weak. Never prove to yourself that you can overcome challenges or improve yourself. If you don’t like the way you look and want to change, you just have to do some exercise and eat healthier. Instead of doing exercises and dieting just criticize people who have already done that. Say that, they have good genetics or they took steroids to make a better version of themselves. After all, doing exercises is hard. And it takes a lot of time to see results. So why even try.
Never attempt to change your lifestyle for the better. Believe that people can’t change, so you shouldn’t try.
Step nine, focus on things you can’t control.
Become furious about the traffic, the government, and the pandemic as often as possible. You want to highlight that the world is messed up and that there is nothing you can do about it. Concentrate on other people’s flaws, your country’s failures, and the situation of the economy. Maintain an external locus of control over all of your life’s events. This will really help you feel powerless. And if you’re trying to be miserable, that’s perfect.
Step 11, only do what is comfortable.
Let your comfort zone decide what you do and don’t do. If it doesn’t feel comfortable, don’t do it. Avoid uncomfortable situations at all costs, and only engage in things that are comfortable and effortless. Do not be concerned about getting new knowledge or experiences. Stay in your comfort zone.
Step 12, believe you’re special.
Act as if you’re entitled to certain things since you’re different from everyone else. Assume that those who already have what you desire, don’t deserve it as much as you do. Always think of yourself as gifted, unique, and one-of-a-kind. This will assist you in developing an outsider complex, making it harder for you to open up to others or see things from their point of view. But since you don’t wanna do any of that uncomfortable stuff anyways, that’s perfect.
Step 13, see life not as it is, but how you wish it to be.
Imagine a life when all of your problems are gone and everything is better. You want to make sure you mentally escape (daydream) as much as possible to distract yourself from the problems in front of you.
Instead of focusing your mental energy on solving problems or improving yourself, daydream as much as possible. Think what you would buy if you won the jackpot or became a celebrity. Imagine how people will react after you get your dream body. Compare your reality to this fiction on a Constantly and feel resentful by the contrast.
I can’t lie, this is the lifestyle I’m in right now,
This was the most painful roast of all time